Chicken Wangs, Wal Mart and Dora is a Judgmental Little Bitch

Sometimes a bitch just wants some chicken and sometimes the only place to get it is at the Wal Mart because every other place is closed. Now, if you have ever seen my ass, you know this girl loves me some fried chicken and in some moods, I'm willing to stab a bitch for it. But there is something about going into Wal Mart that is simply magical. Come all ye bloated, ye tired, ye cankled....and you walk out feeling like the skinniest, prettiest, most classy (er, KLASSY) chick on two slender legs to ever walk through automatic double doors.

Now, one would think the double doors are for getting that big screen from electronics that is on roll back through the mercantile's foyer: but, ye.
Ye does not knoweth the kansuffalos that squeeze their way sideways to get through those doors. Generally, they are on a huffy puffy mad dash to get to the hover rounds stashed next to the carts. Oh yes, the Wal Mart hover round; the engineers of which should get mad props for. That is one fine piece of structurally sound motorized engineering. The next time tornado sirens go off, I'm going to go all incredible she hulk with a raging case of PMS (we turn pink rather than green, honey buns *wink*), stack those fuckers up and hide from the cyclone with one dainty hand poking out the top flipping the wind off screaming F-5 THIS, MOTHAFUCKAH!

I digress. So, on this particular venture for some chicken wangs and gahlic mashed potatoes and brown gravy. Yes, brown. (Suck it, Trebek) I noted the woman ahead of me in her halter and feeling quite guilty for thinking, "Bitch, go put a bra on. They're 200 feet that way, and probably some on roll back", then I realized the tube sock titties (aka pendulous bresticles) were, in fact, pendulous backfaticles. In shock, and perhaps needing a nap, I found myself entranced as the back fat began to sing to me in a Dora the Explorer voice.


Backfat, Backfat
Back fat, Back fat
I'm the Back fat!
Loaded up with adipose and cellulite too
All your missing things, hidden in folds for you.
Backfat back fat
Back fat, back fat
YEAH!

and then....

If there's no place you got to go
I'm the one you need to know
I'm the fat
I'm the fat
I'm the fat
If there's a place you got to get
I can stop you there I bet
I'm the fat, (12 times)
IM THE BACK FAT

I blame my NEED for chicken wangs and subliminal Dora messages. Chicken wangs=bat wings and I'm going to fly away on mine. On a jet powered Wal Mart hover round. Now give a girl some damn chicken wangs, hand me those napkins I know you have stashed under that back fat and shut the fuck up Dora.