National Hump a Nerd Day

I look at the different celebrity blog fodder, like TMZ and Perez Hilton and inevitably they always have some hollywood hunk being naughty. I'm not sure how many times I've seen the nekky pictures of Brad (Pitt, not my husband. I get to see that in real time.), Jude, Nick, et al. These boys do nothing for me. Sure, they are pretty in some way that is supposed to get my vagina all tingly, but alas, they do nothing for me. Here is my confession. I love nerds. The nerdier the better. I'd sooner do John Heder than Jon Bon Jovi.

I won't deny that seeing a nice athletic body jogging past me in the gym does tend to make my head turn; but more than that, a debate over whether or not LOTR is superior to Starwars always gets my panties wet. And by the way folks, there really is only one real return, and that was the Jedi. Tell me, tell me why Apple is superior to Microsoft..tell me, tell me, OH YES YES YES! A man could woo me quicker with a pitcher of margaritas and snuggling up to watch the latest documentry about World War II on A&E or the History channel quicker than one weilding a bouquet of flowers and offerings of a 5 star restaraunt. I know, I know, I am shallow.

I am a music lover. I will sooner listen to my stereo than watch TV (Except during Shark Week, when there's a good WWII documentary on, or a new episode of Grey's Anatomy; but, those are pretty much givens, right?) I have always dug Black Flag and Rollins band. Hank is a talented dude, man; though, I never thought about him much beyond that of musical legend. Then I saw YouTube clips of his stand up; he gave me braingasms and now I would like to climb his body like a jungle gym.

Henry, may I call you Henry? I will watch 12 hour documentaries with you; I will tell you how Ayn Rand is the greatest novelist of our time, I will tell you my conclusions of how the French Revolution is relative to our current political climate while making small jokes about how we can't behead Bush and Cheney, I will take you to art museums so that we may get into deep philosophical conversations about the artists' statements with each brush stroke it took to create the masterpieces, I will wash your windows and be your grocery buying, dinner cooking concubine domestic; although I hope you don't mind me not being submissive; I've tried that route and frankly, I'm not good at it.

But, let's face it. Henry, henry is not nerdy. As much as I love his brain and dry wit, he's not a nerd. He is the rare Nerd in Disguise, the Hot Nerd, if you will. It's really much like when you see those lame after school specials where they dress the hot girl in glasses, ill fitting clothes and maybe some braces. What am I talking about? How about Ugly Betty. Who wouldn't tap America Ferrera sans costume? I digress.

Allow me to put this in perspective for you. If you only sleep with dudes who look like Brad Pitt but have the substance of Sponge Bob, your offspring will have the IQ of Paris Hilton. Eventually those pecs will sag into flab man boobs, and you are left with, that's right, spongebob. Or Uncle Rico. Take your pick.

Some may think I'm crazy, but I love nerds, and I'm unapologetic. I've been told I should go to nerd rehab; I said no, no, no. I declare tomorrow National Hump A Nerd Day. Get to it ladies, think of it as your civic duty in pulling this country from the depths of despair; we need more Michael Scherotters(Microsoft Dude for those who are saying, Huh?) and less Michael Kelsos.